Haven’t been posting anything since a very long time. Many things had happened during that time: dad came to visit, it’s now 2014, my partner came to visit, the end of my first semester, and last but not least.. a chapter of my past finally came to an end.This post is specially dedicated to the last mentioned item.
Eventually, everybody needs to move on with their past and not carry their excessive baggage around all the time. That’s what finally happened when your ex for 8 years got married first, after 2 years of separation and divorce. I never want to get back with him, but letting go was apparently not easy either. There is no affection involved, not even a tiny bit. Just confusion and disappointment. Just wishing that this time he would take the time to make such a huge decision and involve his daughter in this. He didn’t even had the time and guts to tell her about this. I had to sit there and watch her shed tears and convince her that this is not the end of the world.
The decision for a divorce comes with bunch of mixed feelings. Relieved, free, anxious, scared, nervous, alone, and of course the feeling deep inside that hopes your partner will forever be miserable and never find love again..okay,that’s too extreme! You know that one of you will get married sooner or later, but didn’t know that it would be this fast. The divorce got finalized in July 2013, and in March 2014 he is marching down the aisle with another woman. Fair enough. Did the divorce didn’t scare you? Did our memories mean nothing to you? Did you not want your only child to give you blessing on your holy matrimony?
I was jealous because you forgot about me so quickly and found love so easily. Too easy, even. At first I was skeptical about love, until I found a man who showed me otherwise, but that’s already a new chapter of my present life. Right now, I want to finish writing that one last piece of chapter of my past.
You have moved on, hopefully toward the right path. I realized that you were still the person I met 10 years ago. The 19 year old boy who takes everything so easy and never think too much about the future. Who makes spontaneous decisions without taking his parents advice into account. Who is too proud of himself to seek for help from his family. You never changed, but I changed too much. We grew apart. I became this strong because of you.
Seeing you now makes me realized that I made the right decision. Everything happens for a reason. I wish you nothing but the best of luck, the road ahead can be very bumpy. Now I don’t have to look back. This chapter is finally closed and sealed. The end.
This is not juggling per se. What I mean herewith is juggling a multi-role at the same time. Mothers around the world can relate to a situation where we play different role at the same time. In my case: mother+foreign master student.
Abel arrived in Bonn on 14 October 2013. My mom brought her here. After 1,5 Month apart from Abel and my Family, I was totally excited to finally meet them again. Mom also brought a rice cooker, kacang and tempe goreng, for which I have been craving!
After 9 days in Bonn, my mom flew back to Jakarta, leaving me and Abel alone in Bonn. This is my first time raising her all by myself. In Jakarta there were always plenty of People and Family to help me taking care of her. In Bonn, it’s just me and her. We’re like the Gilmore Girls..with brown skins :D
I’m very excited about our new life in Bonn, but also very anxious. Juggling Motherhood and Studentlife is not easy. My Masterstudy just started and I’m in the middle of figuring out how to get the rhythm of my new life. There are many things ought to be considered and most importantly, time and money must be well managed.
I’m very lucky to be surrounded by helpful friends and acquaintances. I should stop worry too much about the money, time and my assignments. It has always been my dream to raise Abel in Germany and I always wanted to study abroad. Now it’s not a dream anymore. It’s the reality. I have to make use of the reality in order to achieve a new dream. I’m sure I can juggle motherhood and studentlife, with the little money left from the scholarship or without the physical presence of my family. Juggling 101, I will master you!
Finally arrived here on 5/9/2013..
I’m sure the 2 years in Bonn will be a life changing experience for Me and Abel :)
When I look at the calendar and there is a national holiday day coming up, I always wish you were here so we can spend it together. I will always remember the beautiful time we used to spend during our day/s off.
One time, I wanted to go to the museum and to see pretoria’s reconciliation day . I remember you were not very fond about the idea, but you took me there anyway. It was a very hot day yet you always found ways to cheer me up. We were the only asians among thousands of white south africans at the Voortreker Museum. As the people person that you are, you instantly get along with everybody and befriended a nice family who told us the history of the reconciliation day.
Sometimes, it’s the simple things that we did that I miss the most. How you made me breakfast, how we went for brunch, how we had conversations over glasses of wine and how we would cuddle afterwards. You made it very memorable.
I miss you D. everyday
ilu DGM :)